Joke of the Day!

[SBS933]

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe."

I'm taking that one to work, Funny As Hell.

[SBS933]

That's it for me, no more playing UNO with mexicans. They take all the green cards.

[ChumpChange]

One of my all time favorites:

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Texas and goes to a big 'everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin '

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says 'one'.

The boss says 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says '$101,237.65 '.

The boss says '$101, 237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a Twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said, 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'

[The Doctor]

Since today is our 44th Anniversary today, I'll share this one I thought was cute:

A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary the they invited their three children to celebrate with them. The first came in and said, I had an emergency surgery to perform this afternoon and I didn't have time to get a gift. Parents said "It's OK, we'll all be together."
Next their daughter came in just a tad bit late and said "Sorry but we had a board meeting that lasted forever and I didn't even have time to get you guys a gift." Parents again said it was OK.
The third comes in twenty minutes into dinner and says "I had to take a deposition on a client for a case that starts tomorrow and I couldn't stop off to get you guys a gift." He sits down to the meal with the rest of the family and the father looks over to the wife and says "Should we tell them now?"

She nods and the father says "I'm sorry to tell you all this but your mother and I were actually never married."

The three kids, in unison respond right back with "You mean we are all bastards?"

Dad replies "Yep! And cheap ones at that!"

[HB Vic]

44th anniversary. wow, that's awesome. Congratulations!!

[The Doctor]

A young man was intent on going to Medical School, but was confused by the entrance exam.

The deciding question was,

"Re-arrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Congress.

[28eliminator]

A young man was intent on going to Medical School, but was confused by the entrance exam.

The deciding question was,

"Re-arrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Congress.

[Stainless]

Good ones Doc.
Congratulations on you and your Mrs 44th wedding anniversary!


Carbon aka Stainless

[hbchgirl]

Since today is our 44th Anniversary today, I'll share this one I thought was cute:

A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary the they invited their three children to celebrate with them. The first came in and said, I had an emergency surgery to perform this afternoon and I didn't have time to get a gift. Parents said "It's OK, we'll all be together."
Next their daughter came in just a tad bit late and said "Sorry but we had a board meeting that lasted forever and I didn't even have time to get you guys a gift." Parents again said it was OK.
The third comes in twenty minutes into dinner and says "I had to take a deposition on a client for a case that starts tomorrow and I couldn't stop off to get you guys a gift." He sits down to the meal with the rest of the family and the father looks over to the wife and says "Should we tell them now?"

She nods and the father says "I'm sorry to tell you all this but your mother and I were actually never married."

The three kids, in unison respond right back with "You mean we are all bastards?"

Dad replies "Yep! And cheap ones at that!"

LOL! Happy Anniversary and congratulations on 44 years of marriage to you and your wife!

[hbchgirl]

A young man was intent on going to Medical School, but was confused by the entrance exam.

The deciding question was,

"Re-arrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Congress.

Another good one!