:lmao I'm taking that one to work, Funny As Hell.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mateo
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:lmao I'm taking that one to work, Funny As Hell.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mateo
That's it for me, no more playing UNO with mexicans. They take all the green cards.
One of my all time favorites:
A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Texas and goes to a big 'everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'
The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin '
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says 'one'.
The boss says 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'
The kid says '$101,237.65 '.
The boss says '$101, 237.65? What the heck did you sell?'
The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a Twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'
The boss said, 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'
The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'
Since today is our 44th Anniversary today, I'll share this one I thought was cute:
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary the they invited their three children to celebrate with them. The first came in and said, I had an emergency surgery to perform this afternoon and I didn't have time to get a gift. Parents said "It's OK, we'll all be together."
Next their daughter came in just a tad bit late and said "Sorry but we had a board meeting that lasted forever and I didn't even have time to get you guys a gift." Parents again said it was OK.
The third comes in twenty minutes into dinner and says "I had to take a deposition on a client for a case that starts tomorrow and I couldn't stop off to get you guys a gift." He sits down to the meal with the rest of the family and the father looks over to the wife and says "Should we tell them now?"
She nods and the father says "I'm sorry to tell you all this but your mother and I were actually never married."
The three kids, in unison respond right back with "You mean we are all bastards?"
Dad replies "Yep! And cheap ones at that!"
44th anniversary. wow, that's awesome. Congratulations!!
A young man was intent on going to Medical School, but was confused by the entrance exam.
The deciding question was,
"Re-arrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."
Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Congress.
:LMAOsmiley::applause:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
Good ones Doc. :D
Congratulations on you and your Mrs 44th wedding anniversary! :)
Carbon aka Stainless
LOL! Happy Anniversary and congratulations on 44 years of marriage to you and your wife!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
Another good one! :rotflmao:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out on a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day and love is In the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie’s lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have White wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?"
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
I could've sworn that one was going to end with a reference to fish. Pretty funny there Mateo!
:stir:????
How many here know that a chicken will kick a rattle snakes ass???
how many know that thats why you gey you some chickens if you have az desert property???
well any way, the story about my little cock,,,,
I went and got me some little chicks, little warm and fuzzy yellow ones... cutest things ever,,,
well, that didn't last long... they started grow'n and grow'n ..
so now I end up with these 4 big fat ass hens, mean as all get out...they chase everything off the property,
even peck at me, and I'm the one thats feed'n them...
well, enough of that shit, I bb-q one of them, got to think'n..... wonder if they are so mean because there isn't
a rooster>???
so, back to the feed store, sure enough, the guy said, you have to have a Cock that gets up early and runs the fat off the hens or they they get Fat and Sassy....
when the cock gets up and starts cro'n thats to wake the hens up to go get him breakfest.... sounds good to me..
so i pick this little cock out and bring him home, think'n he will be like then and get real big...
come to find out I got a little cock....every day i'd play with him, run him around the field, every day i'd measure him..
not getting any bigger, I try'd every thing, even googled how to make your cock grow....:redface::stir:
That's funny! Sorry you ended up with a small cock.
This is not the story I was looking forward to reading! Yes!! Your cock is too little! :D
There's a subliminal message in this story! But, now it explains why I'm fat and sassy!!! ;)
Sent from my Bat Cave
Seriously??
They like ..............:happy:
soooo,... any way... I go back to the feed store, the guy says that the cock isn't gonna get any bigger,
but not to worry, it's not the size of the cock that matters,
it's if it gets up every morning...
also he said, to make sure he crows at the crack of dawn,...
well, heres the sad part,.. my little cock get up early, jumps up on the stump,
and before he can even start to crow, the fats hens go to peck'n at his head...
as much as he try's to fight back, it's a loos'n battle for the little cock...
so heres the question, is my Cock to little??is he gonna be hen pecked
Call me I need to talk to you....not about your cock
i like!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by 314joey