Joke of the Day!

[riverrunner1984]

Catholic Hairdryer
In parochial school, students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination is OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:
Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

[Stainless]

Lmao!


CH3N02

[doubleeagle]

New old stock still in orginal package

[riverrunner1984]

> > A modern day cowboy had spent many days crossing the Dakota prairies without
water.
> > His horse had already died of thirst.
> > He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last
breath, when all
> > of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead
of him. He
> > crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to
be an old briefcase.
> > He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is
wearing an IRS ID badge
> > and a dull grey dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a
pencil tucked behind one ear.
> > 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie, 'You know how this works... You have three
wishes.'
> > 'I'm not falling for this,' says the cowboy, 'I'm not going to trust an IRS
genie.'
> > 'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!'
> > The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is
right.
> > 'OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'
> > ***POOF*** The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has
ever seen, and
> > he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
> > 'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
> > 'My second wish is that I was rich ....beyond my wildest dreams.'
> > ***POOF***The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled
with rare gold coins
> > and precious gems.
> > 'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'
> > After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter
where I go, beautiful
> > women will want and need me.'
> > ***POOF*** He's turned into a tampon.
> > The moral of the story:
> > If the U.S. government offers to help you, there's going to be a string
attached.

[riverrunner1984]

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

[Eli]

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

Bahahahaha that was hilarious!


Sent from my Bat Cave

[riverrunner1984]

ISN'T IT NICE WHEN KIDS HAVE GOALS?


A TEACHER ASKS THE KIDS IN HER 3rd GRADE CLASS, “WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?”

LITTLE KEVIN SAYS: "I WANNA START OUT AS A MARINE PILOT, THEN BE A BILLIONAIRE, GO TO THE MOST EXPENSIVE CLUBS, FIND ME THE FINEST WHORE, GIVE HER A FERRARI WORTH OVER A MILLION BUCKS, AN APARTMENT IN COPACABANA, A MANSION IN PARIS, A JET TO TRAVEL THROUGHOUT EUROPE, AN INFINITE VISA CARD, AND ALL THE WHILE BANGING HER LIKE A LOOSE SCREEN DOOR IN A HURRICANE."

THE TEACHER, SHOCKED, AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH THIS HORRIBLE RESPONSE FROM LITTLE KEVIN, DECIDES NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HE SAID AND SIMPLY TRIES TO CONTINUE WITH THE LESSON . . .

"AND HOW ABOUT YOU, SARAH?”

"I WANNA BE KEVIN’S WHORE.”

[HB Vic]

hahaha....

[nowski]

ISN'T IT NICE WHEN KIDS HAVE GOALS?


A TEACHER ASKS THE KIDS IN HER 3rd GRADE CLASS, “WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?”

LITTLE KEVIN SAYS: "I WANNA START OUT AS A MARINE PILOT, THEN BE A BILLIONAIRE, GO TO THE MOST EXPENSIVE CLUBS, FIND ME THE FINEST WHORE, GIVE HER A FERRARI WORTH OVER A MILLION BUCKS, AN APARTMENT IN COPACABANA, A MANSION IN PARIS, A JET TO TRAVEL THROUGHOUT EUROPE, AN INFINITE VISA CARD, AND ALL THE WHILE BANGING HER LIKE A LOOSE SCREEN DOOR IN A HURRICANE."

THE TEACHER, SHOCKED, AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH THIS HORRIBLE RESPONSE FROM LITTLE KEVIN, DECIDES NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HE SAID AND SIMPLY TRIES TO CONTINUE WITH THE LESSON . . .

"AND HOW ABOUT YOU, SARAH?”

"I WANNA BE KEVIN’S WHORE.”

I think Sarah's real name is V. Stiffiano...

[Stainless]

I think Sarah's real name is V. Stiffiano...

That's exactly who I thought of, lol.


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