Joke of the Day!

[hbchgirl]

An elderly couple were sitting outdoors at a cafe when they noticed an old man who seemed to be having trouble crossing the street with an ungainly shuffle. The man said to his wife "He surely has bad arthritis to walk like that." His wife replied "No, that's definitely old time rheumatism." They couldn't agree so the man decided to ask the old man. He walked over to him and said "Excuse me, sir, but my wife and I saw you having difficulty crossing the street and I told her that you have arthritis but she insisted that you have rheumatism. Which one of us was wrong?" The old man said "The three of us were wrong." "Three of us were wrong? How so?" asked the man to which the old man replied "You were wrong when you said I had arthritis and your wife was wrong when she said I had rheumatism and I was wrong when I thought I had to pass gas."

...

[Havasu Party Bus]

A young man goes to his mother and father to share the news he has found a nice young lady to marry. After revealing who this woman is the father is angry and disapproves. The mother can not see why the boys father is so against it. A few days later the boy asked his father why he disapproves of the marriage. The father tells his son that the girl is his sister but the boys mother does not know. Feeling that he should tell his mother the boys goes and let's her know what the father has said. The mother laughs and said if you want to marry that girl you go right ahead because your father is not your father but he does not know.

[Havasu Party Bus]

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots
the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the
fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up
right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman. "Good
day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely
vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to
shit when you hear the price."

[ChumpChange]

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!

[ChumpChange]

This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no". Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied, "Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked, "That mule for sale?"

[SBS933]

A man moved to Montana and bought 40 acres, after 6 mos. he realized he was bored. he then went into town to the local bar and ordered a beer, then a couple more. he then realized there were no women in the bar, so he asked the bartender were all the women were, the bartender responded that there were no women. The gentleman responded and asked, how the hell am I gonna get laid. The bartender told him, go out back like everyone else and grab a sheep. the man said Fuck you, then after a few more beers he said Fuck It. He then went out back and did his thing and then he went back to the bar. When he walked in the bar was silent, he walked up to the bar and asked the bartender WTF I thoght you said everyone does that. The bartender replied, Yea but you shouldn't have grabbed the SHERIFFS GAL.

[Paul65K]

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2014!"

"Great Nancy , but how?" asked Harry.

"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."

So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman , Montana . With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.

The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"

"Yes we are!" said Nancy , "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color."

They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador , lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.

For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.

Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"

"Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"



PS........is it political when it's true??

[28eliminator]

Lol..


Sent from somewhere on the water

[SBS933]

Two men were drinking in a bar, the subject changed to which one had the ugliest wife. This argument went on for a couple of beers when one man said, get in my car and come with me. They ended up at the mans house and they went inside, the man proceeded to pull a carpet of a trap door. The man opened the door and yelled, HEY GIRL get up here. The wife replied ,oh let me put a bag on my head, the man replied, I don't wanna fuck you I just wanna show you off.

[ChumpChange]

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother - he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "DeNephew."