Joke of the Day!

[ChumpChange]

A merchant sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noting that the previous bill hadn't been paid, told the collections manager to check it. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

[ChumpChange]

A man and a blonde meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The blonde angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and the blonde meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

[riverrunner1984]

A man and a blonde meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The blonde angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and the blonde meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

LMFAO at my desk!!!

[SBS933]

A man is out hunting with his dog, he then points towards some bushes and tells the dog, go see how many ducks are in there. The dog goes and returns barking 3 times, the hunter spooks the birds and sure as hell 3 of em, he shoots and bags em. He does this twice more, when a man walks up and says I've been watching you and i'd like to buy your dog. The man refuses until he is offered $2000.00 then tells the man, you just bought a dog. The man takes the dog out and says go over there and see how many ducks are there. The dog does and when he returns, he sticks his nose up the guys ass. This happens again, so he returns to the seller and tells him, I want my money back this dog ain't worth shit. The seller asks, why he's a great hunting dog. The man tells him, instead of barking the number of ducks, he comes back and sticks his nose in my ass. The seller laughs and tells the man, He's trying to tell you theres a shitload of ducks in there.

[ChumpChange]

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon.

"Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.

[Wendi]

Hello, is this the Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank y...ou very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend on Billy’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy and left.
The phone rings at Billy's house: "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, Buddy"

[Havasu Party Bus]

Hello, is this the Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank y...ou very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend on Billy’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy and left.
The phone rings at Billy's house: "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, Buddy"

You forgot the photo Wendi here you go.

[hbchgirl]

Hello, is this the Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank y...ou very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend on Billy’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy and left.
The phone rings at Billy's house: "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, Buddy"

Good one!

[ChumpChange]

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things Id ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!" "Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!

[doubleeagle]

A young gal was getting married The night before her mother comes in to have the mother daughter talk about the honeymoon night.
Upon returning from her honeymoon her mother asked how everything went.
The daughter Oh mom it was wonderful but I do have a question What are those two big round things about 12" from the tip.
The mother gasp and replies Well on your father they would be the cheeks of his ass