Joke of the Day!

[Stainless]

ch3no2

[kaizoku]

Lmao!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rschap1]

Doh ! ! ! !

[riverrunner1984]

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly Cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, Horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The old cowboy calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'

[Stainless]

I seemingly well endowed Texan met a date on match.com and they agreed to go on a date. During dinner all the Texan could talk about was how much bigger everything in Texas is, our ranches are at least 1000 sections, Texas has more oil, Texas has more cattle, Texas blah, blah, blah. After dinner they decided to go to his place. A few drinks later and some cuddling, clothing started coming off. The eager Texan glanced over to the already naked date laying on the bed with her legs spread open slightly, when he caught a glimpse of her vagina. Flabbergasted...he blurted, "Ma'm, what part of Texas are you from?"


CH3NO2

[thatguy]

[ChumpChange]

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. Ill come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

Kid says, "One."

Boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for?"

Kid says "$201,237.64.

Boss says "201,237.64?? What the heck did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat; we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didnt think his Mercedes would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him an Escalade."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, your weekends shot, you might as well go fishing."

[riverrunner1984]

What did the guy vampire say to the girl vampire?


See you next period!

I lol when I read this.

[Eli]

What did the guy vampire say to the girl vampire?


See you next period!

I lol when I read this.

I was going to go with "bite me"


Sent from my Bat Cave

[riverrunner1984]

Why am I Divorced?
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought...... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfasts and didn't say a word..

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday! '

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me....'
I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day... we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a
moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake .... followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there....

On the couch.......



Naked.