Joke of the Day!

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:d:d:d

[ChumpChange]

Bill Johnson was busy at work when he received a call from his wife's doctor.

Dr. Smith: "Is this Bill Johnson, husband of Mary?"

Bill: "Yes it is, is there a problem?"

Dr. "Well, kind of. You see, I have been having a day from hell and saw 2 Mary Johnson's today and just got the test results. I can't recall which Mary is which."

Bill: "I don't understand, how does this affect me?"

Dr. "Well, one Mary has Alzheimer's Disease and the other has HIV"

Bill: "What should I do, Dr?"

Dr. "If your wife finds her way home, don't fvck her"

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Good one! lmao

[SBS933]

A man calls his house from work and his little girl answers the phone, he tells his daughter he needs to talk to mommy. The daughter tells him she is in the bedroom with uncle bob, the dad says you don't have an uncle bob. He then tells his daughter to knock on the door and yell DADDY IS HOME. The daughter comes back to the phone and tells her dad, I did what you said and uncle bob jumped out the window and landed in the pool and he is dead. The man then said Heather we don't have a pool and the little girl says my name isn't Heather it is tammy. The man then says OOPS Wrong Number.

[ChumpChange]

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.Their life together was, of course, perfect.One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.Only one of them survived the accident.Question: Who was the survivor?Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man!* Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.** Men keep reading *So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.* Men Keep reading *By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen!

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Post 206 and 207 get one of these;

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You joke tellers are tearing it up!

[ChumpChange]

There was a nun who worked as a nurse at a local hospital.

She was driving the hospital van when it ran out of gas about a mile from a gas station, so she decided to walk to the gas station to get some gas, but the station didn't have a gas can for her to transport the gas back to the van.

She walked back to the van, trying to figure out what to do when she realized that she had some bed pans in the van that she could use. So, she got a bed pan and walked back to the gas station, filled it up and walked back to the van.

As she was pouring the gas into the tank, two men in a truck drove by. One said to the other, "Man, if that works, I'm turning Catholic!"

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[ChumpChange]

Two friends went into a company to apply for a job. They filled out applications and then were asked to take a test. Because they were applying for the same job, the test was identical. After the test was scored the Human Relations Recruiter said they had gotten the same exact score on the test. However, one friend was singled out and given the job over the other. The friend that did not get hired asked, "If we both got the same score on the test, why was my friend hired and not me?" "Because he had a better answer on one question," the recruiter answered. "On question 26 he wrote as his answer ‘I don't know.' For the same question you wrote, me neither."