Joke of the Day!

[ChumpChange]

While attending a Marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor. "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Jack leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Its Pillsbury isn't it?"

[ChumpChange]

Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night.. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, Here I am!

[Eli]

The engineer found himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter looked him up in the book, and found that he was destined for the other place. The engineer protested that this must be a mistake, and that he had lived a righteous life, going to church every week, being faithful to his wife etc. to no avail. About 6 weeks later God reviews the lists and realizes that the engineer has been sent to the wrong place. So he rings up Lucifer and demands that the engineer be sent up. Lucifer says "NO WAY. This guy was the best thing to ever happen here. He's got the AC working, we have running water and cable now too, and next week he thinks we will get internet access and an ice cream machine." God is pissed and yelling says "I'll sue". Lucifer says "ya okay, but where are you going to get a lawyer?"

Ouch!!



Okay I laughed.


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[ChumpChange]

A beer drinking husband comes home from work, runs into the living room, and flops down in front of the TV. He quickly turns it on and starts flipping through the channels. His wife walks into the living room and the guys says to her, "Wife, hurry up and get me a beer before it starts!" The wife goes to the fridge, cracks a beer and gives it to her husband. The husband slams down the beer, gives her the empty, and tells her, "Hurry up and get me another one! It's gonna start soon!" The wife goes to the fridge, gets another beer, cracks it open, and takes it to her husband. The guy slams the beer again, gives her the empty, and says, "Hurry up and get me 1 more beer, it's gonna start ANY minute!" The wife, getting upset, goes to the fridge, gets him a beer, cracks it open, gives it to her husband and says, "You know, all you ever do around here is come home from work, sit in front of the TV, bark orders at me, dri nk beer...” The guy, hearing his wife complaining, sips his beer, sighs, and says, "YEP, IT'S STARTED!"

[Eli]

A beer drinking husband comes home from work, runs into the living room, and flops down in front of the TV. He quickly turns it on and starts flipping through the channels. His wife walks into the living room and the guys says to her, "Wife, hurry up and get me a beer before it starts!" The wife goes to the fridge, cracks a beer and gives it to her husband. The husband slams down the beer, gives her the empty, and tells her, "Hurry up and get me another one! It's gonna start soon!" The wife goes to the fridge, gets another beer, cracks it open, and takes it to her husband. The guy slams the beer again, gives her the empty, and says, "Hurry up and get me 1 more beer, it's gonna start ANY minute!" The wife, getting upset, goes to the fridge, gets him a beer, cracks it open, gives it to her husband and says, "You know, all you ever do around here is come home from work, sit in front of the TV, bark orders at me, dri nk beer...” The guy, hearing his wife complaining, sips his beer, sighs, and says, "YEP, IT'S STARTED!"

Hmmm sounds like she should be the one doing the drinking


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[ChumpChange]

Hmmm sounds like she should be the one doing the drinking

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Only after her man is good and comfortable.

[riverrunner1984]

When a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.

BUT...when a guy orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built -in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!!

[28eliminator]

When a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.

BUT...when a guy orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built -in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!!

LMFAO...

[Menace Marine]

When a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.

BUT...when a guy orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built -in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!!

Double standards.


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[Eli]

When a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.

BUT...when a guy orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built -in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!!

Pervert!


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