Joke of the Day!

[doubleeagle]

So the wife asked me what I wanted this year for my birthday
I replyed a blow job would be nice
She gave me 50.00 and threw the keys to her Corvette
Told me knock your self out cowboy even you can get lucky in that car

[Stainless]

So the wife asked me what I wanted this year for my birthday
I replyed a blow job would be nice
She gave me 50.00 and threw the keys to her Corvette
Told me knock your self out cowboy even you can get lucky in that car

sounds like that could be a true story...

[Gyxer]

A wife comes home from a gynecologist appointment and tells her husband "honey I got some bad news, my doctor said I can't have sex for a momth." Her husband said "don't worry about it baby, it's fine no problem at all.......but what did your dentist say?"

[ChumpChange]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, its a Ferrari.

[SBS933]

A teacher asked, can anyone in class use the word incompletely in a sentence?

Johnny stood up and said,

"When my balls touch my girlfriend’s a$$hole,

I know I am in-completely.

[doubleeagle]

sounds like that could be a true story...

Yea just the the other day I rolled over in bed patted her on the ass and wispered in her ear
Hey Honey how about a little oral sex. So at the top of her lungs see screams FUCK YOU!!!
Then asked was it as good for you as it was for me
I guess after 40 years somethings get lost in the translation

[ChumpChange]

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought - I can't figure out how to get started." Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?" "From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the blonde. The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, "Im afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box." "Why not?" asks the disappointed blonde." Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle... what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes."

[ChumpChange]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employees well being, asks sympathetically, "Whats the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why dont you go home for the day. We arent terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

[Paul65K]

Last Friday, A hooded robber burst into a bank in New Orleans and, at gunpoint, forced the tellers to load their cash into a plain brown bag.

As the robber approached the door, one brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face.
Without a moment's hesitation, the robber shot the customer.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.
The robber instantly shot & killed her also.

Everyone in the bank, by now horrified, stared down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There was a long moment of dead silence in which everyone was terrified to speak.
Then, one old Australian named Bernie cautiously raised his hand and said,

"My wife got a pretty good look at you !!!!."

[ChumpChange]

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"