Joke of the Day!

[SBS933]

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, Id like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, Im 71 years old. If I dont ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, Ill make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Fred replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.

Keeper, that ones going to work on MONDAY.

[ChumpChange]

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Snickers bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board!'

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag!'

Startled, his mom and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Snickers bar.'

[ChumpChange]

One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.

As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.

"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

[riverrunner1984]

A professor is sent to Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child.

[Gyxer]

Two brothers go hiking together every weekend. Last weekend the older brother said to the younger brother: "why don't we take different trails this time. At the end of the day we'll meet up and share with each other what we saw." The younger brother agrees and off they go. The older brother follows a ridge line and the younger brother follows a valley.

At the end of the day the meet up. The older brother says "I had a great hike following the mountain ridge, beautiful views and saw a bald eagle. What did you see?" The younger brother says "I followed the valley and came to some railroad tracks and decided to follow them for awhile. After a mile or so I found the the most beautiful girl I've ever seen tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had the best sex I've ever had, it was amazing." The older brother is astonished and can't believe it. He asks "well did she give good head?" The younger brother says "well that's the funny thing about it, I never could find her head."

[Stainless]

two brothers go hiking together every weekend. Last weekend the older brother said to the younger brother: "why don't we take different trails this time. At the end of the day we'll meet up and share with each other what we saw." the younger brother agrees and off they go. The older brother follows a ridge line and the younger brother follows a valley.

At the end of the day the meet up. The older brother says "i had a great hike following the mountain ridge, beautiful views and saw a bald eagle. What did you see?" the younger brother says "i followed the valley and came to some railroad tracks and decided to follow them for awhile. After a mile or so i found the the most beautiful girl i've ever seen tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had the best sex i've ever had, it was amazing." the older brother is astonished and can't believe it. He asks "well did she give good head?" the younger brother says "well that's the funny thing about it, i never could find her head."

ch3no2

[rschap1]

Oh my...

[ChumpChange]

A group of Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says to the girl, “What are you doing?”
She says, “I’m going to commit suicide.”
While he didn't want to appear “sensitive,” he didn't want to miss a ‘be-a-legend’ opportunity either so he asked: “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that … and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.
After they finished, George gets visual approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That’s a real talent you’re wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”
“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”
It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed

[riverrunner1984]

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?



A: 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.



Q: Why is a woman's vagina like a warm toilet seat?



A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

[riverrunner1984]

A teacher asked, can anyone in class use the word incompletely in a sentence?

Johnny stood up and said,

"When my balls touch my girlfriend’s a$$hole,

I know I am in-completely.