Joke of the Day!

[riverrunner1984]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

[riverrunner1984]

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”
“Terrorists have kidnapped Congress. They’re asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they’re going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car collecting donations....”
“How much is everyone giving, on average?” the driver asks.
The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.”

[ChumpChange]

Gonna be sending that one off to a few people!

[Stainless]

a man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” if he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
to which his wife responds: “he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

:d


ch3no2

[riverrunner1984]

One night a guy comes home late and his wife asks him where he was. His response was, I was out getting a tattoo and she says what tattoo did u get and he says i got a hundred dollar bill. She says where did you get it and he says i got it on my penis and she says what in world did you do that for ?
And his response was ...... so everytime you want to blow a hundred bucks you can come home and do it

[ChumpChange]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

[Stainless]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

I don't understand the question, can you rephrase it? :p


CH3NO2

[rschap1]

Stay far FAR away from the 5th subject...

[riverrunner1984]

• Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,

points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

[314joey]

Got some good one's river, I wish I could remember jokes, maybe if I wouldn't drink on days "ending in Y"