Joke of the Day!

[ChumpChange]

A Canadian, a German and an American were sitting in a restaurant. They were all at different tables and each had a different disability. The man from Canada was in a wheel chair. As the Canadian sat there having his lunch he noticed a man at another table that he thought looked like Jesus. When the waitress came by he asked her, "Is that Jesus sitting there?" The waitress nodded. The man asked if she would take over to Jesus a cup of coffee and say it is on him. The waitress agreed and took a cup of coffee over to Jesus. The German, at another table, had his own problem. He had a terrible speech impediment. He also spotted the man that looked like Jesus. When the waitress came to his table he asked if she could take Jesus a cup of warm soup. The waitress agreed and took over the soup. The American moved very slow and walked with the aid of crutches. Like the others, he also spotted Jesus. When the waitress c ame by his table he asked her to take a refreshing glass of iced tea to the man that looked like Jesus. The waitress once again obliged. When Jesus was finished, before leaving the restaurant he walked over to the Canadian and said, "For your kindness, I will heal you." The Canadian felt strength returning to his legs, stood up and was able to walk again. Then Jesus went over to the German. Jesus said, "For your kindness your speech impediment is cured." Sure enough the man could speak without a single problem. Finally, Jesus walked toward the American. The American quickly jumped up from the table and without the aid of his crutches ran out of the restaurant. As he left the restaurant he said, "Don't touch me, I'm on disability."

[Stainless]

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[ChumpChange]

Two friends went into a company to apply for a job. They filled out applications and then were asked to take a test. Because they were applying for the same job, the test was identical. After the test was scored the Human Relations Recruiter said they had gotten the same exact score on the test. However, one friend was singled out and given the job over the other. The friend that did not get hired asked, "If we both got the same score on the test, why was my friend hired and not me?" "Because he had a better answer on one question," the recruiter answered. "On question 26 he wrote as his answer ‘I don't know.' For the same question you wrote, me neither."

[314joey]

You never know.

[Eli]

You never know.

Lmao


Sent from my Bat Cave

[SBS933]

You never know.

Funny, but true Hahahaha

[ChumpChange]

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"

Confused, the bartender says no.

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

[SBS933]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders 2 shots of Jack. He downs one and pours one in his shirt pocket, the bartender questions him on this, he responds "it's for my mouse and i'll take 2 more shots" this goes on for 5 more shots and the bartender tells the guy he's had enogh of his weird behavior and to get the fuck ouy of his bar. The guy is pretty drunk by now and heads for the door, right before he leaves he tells the bartender to go fuck himself in is a@# just then a drunk mouse pops out of his pocket and says " that goes for you cat too !! "

[ChumpChange]

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe."

[ChumpChange]

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!