Joke of the Day!

[ChumpChange]

Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy he started working at a company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. Hes so rich he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for Christmas."

The second guy said, "Damn, that's terrific! My son is also the pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner where he owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a Christmas gift!"

The third man said. "Well that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000 square foot mansion!"

The 3 guys congratulate each other just as the 4th guy returned from the restroom and asked what are all the congratulations for?

One of the three guys said, "Were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons..."

"What about your son?" they asked the 4th guy.

The fourth man replied, " my son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said, " that's a shame...what a disappointment. "

The fourth man replied. " nah, I'm not ashamed hes my son and i love him..and he hasn't done too badly either. Just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."

[Stainless]

Good one Mateo! There's a guy where I work that tells jokes like you. I've never heard him tell the same joke twice.

[ChumpChange]

Jimmy and Tommy were in school and their class was having a spelling bee.
Jimmy and Tommy were the only ones standing
The teacher said to Tommy, "spell the word correctly and and use it in a sentence. The word is dictate"
Tommy takes his turn, "Dictate...D-I-C-K-T-E-T-E.."
"No Tommy...I'm sorry that's wrong...sit down."
"Jimmy if you can spell the word correctly and use it in a sentence, you win this weeks bee."
"Dictate...D-I-C-T-A-T-E."
"Very good Jimmy now use it in a sentence"
"Hey Susan, How'd my Dic-tate last night?"

[ChumpChange]

I'll double it up for the day:

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache.

[Stainless]

I'll double it up for the day:

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache.

Lmao!!

[HB Vic]

A drunkphoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolenthe dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!"he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phonerang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Nevermind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat bymistake."

[Stainless]

A drunkphoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolenthe dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!"he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phonerang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Nevermind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat bymistake."

Sounds like me!:p

[ChumpChange]

A lady, alone in her home, answered a knock at the door to find her next door neighbor standing there. "Do you have a vagina?" he asked.

She slammed the door in his face.

The next day there was another knock at the door. Again, she found the neighbor at the door, and again, he asked, "do you have a vagina?"

She slammed the door again. This time she was so upset she told her husband about the incident when he came home.

"Tell you what," said the husband. "Tomorrow I'll stay home from work. If he knocks on the door again, I'll go and hide behind the door while you answer it. If he asks you that question again, say 'yes.' Then if he tries to come in, I'll jump out and surprise him."

The next day, sure enough, there came a knock at the door. The husband got behind the door as his wife opened it. As expected, the neighbor asked, "do you have a vagina?"

"Why, of course I do!" answered the wife.

"Well then, tell your husband to stop fkcing my wife!" demanded the neighbor.

[Just another payment]

girls night out



The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a..m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
And cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
Solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... He didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo
Clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
Three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
Throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[rschap1]

A lady, alone in her home, answered a knock at the door to find her next door neighbor standing there. "Do you have a vagina?" he asked.

She slammed the door in his face.

The next day there was another knock at the door. Again, she found the neighbor at the door, and again, he asked, "do you have a vagina?"

She slammed the door again. This time she was so upset she told her husband about the incident when he came home.

"Tell you what," said the husband. "Tomorrow I'll stay home from work. If he knocks on the door again, I'll go and hide behind the door while you answer it. If he asks you that question again, say 'yes.' Then if he tries to come in, I'll jump out and surprise him."

The next day, sure enough, there came a knock at the door. The husband got behind the door as his wife opened it. As expected, the neighbor asked, "do you have a vagina?"

"Why, of course I do!" answered the wife.

"Well then, tell your husband to stop fkcing my wife!" demanded the neighbor.