Joke of the Day!

**ChumpChange** · 05-02-2013, 07:49 PM

Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses. He wasn't breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly, the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls for help. He shouts at the emergency operator, "I think my friend is dead! What do I do!?"

"Calm down", the operator says in a soothing voice, "I can help you. But first, we need to make sure he's dead."

The phone goes silent for a second, then the operator hears a gunshot; "Ok", says the hunter, "now what?"

**HB Vic** · 05-02-2013, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by Mateo

Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses. He wasn't breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly, the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls for help. He shouts at the emergency operator, "I think my friend is dead! What do I do!?"

"Calm down", the operator says in a soothing voice, "I can help you. But first, we need to make sure he's dead."

The phone goes silent for a second, then the operator hears a gunshot; "Ok", says the hunter, "now what?"

lol ...

**Stainless** · 05-02-2013, 09:00 PM

Originally Posted by Mateo

A lady, alone in her home, answered a knock at the door to find her next door neighbor standing there. "Do you have a vagina?" he asked.

She slammed the door in his face.

The next day there was another knock at the door. Again, she found the neighbor at the door, and again, he asked, "do you have a vagina?"

She slammed the door again. This time she was so upset she told her husband about the incident when he came home.

"Tell you what," said the husband. "Tomorrow I'll stay home from work. If he knocks on the door again, I'll go and hide behind the door while you answer it. If he asks you that question again, say 'yes.' Then if he tries to come in, I'll jump out and surprise him."

The next day, sure enough, there came a knock at the door. The husband got behind the door as his wife opened it. As expected, the neighbor asked, "do you have a vagina?"

"Why, of course I do!" answered the wife.

"Well then, tell your husband to stop fkcing my wife!" demanded the neighbor.

:p

**ChumpChange** · 05-03-2013, 07:15 PM

Little Johnny was sitting in Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"

**ChumpChange** · 05-05-2013, 07:55 PM

I found this funny:

>By far the worst thing I've ever done
>Be 12, living with abusive uncle and auntie
>We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields
>My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse
>Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion
>Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit fucked up like that.
>I, being a countryside fag, liked horses and riding them
>Then they turned on me saying "If we ever catch you riding our fucking horse then we will beat the living shot out of you"
>They meant it, they'd done it before
>Few days later, I'm messing in the fields with some old tractor tire I found
>Dirty is just eating grass and shit next to me
>Auntie and uncle come out every few minutes to make sure I'm not riding the horse
>Get bored and climb inside the tire
>Tire starts moving (field wasn't flat)
>Can't stop.
>Auntie and uncle come outside to check on me
>They see me rollin'
>They hatin'
>Patrolling
>Trying to catch me riding Dirty

**Jet-6** · 05-06-2013, 03:54 AM

Bahahaha

**ChumpChange** · 05-07-2013, 09:28 AM

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood ...... sure enough he drops the second bar of soap.Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.. So she gives several more tugs, then yells,"Holy Mary, Mother of God, hand lotion, too!"