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Thread: Joke of the Day!
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06-13-2013, 09:12 PM #121Senior Member
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Joke of the Day!
CH3NO2
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06-14-2013, 08:01 AM #122Senior Member
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An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his banker to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The banker was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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06-14-2013, 08:03 AM #123Senior Member
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Figured a lawyer and/or politician would have a part in this too...
RSCHAP1
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06-14-2013, 08:25 AM #124Senior Member
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It originally said lawyer but I switched it to banker.
Originally Posted by rschap1
Figured a lawyer and/or politician would have a part in this too...
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06-14-2013, 08:25 AM #125Senior Member
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A man was terminally ill, so he was breaking all the news to the people he knew.
He was telling everyone goodbye and that he was dying from AIDS.
His son said "Dad why are you telling everyone your dying Aids when you have cancer?"
Because son I don't want anyone fvkcing your mother after I'm gone!
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06-14-2013, 11:15 AM #126Senior Member
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Joke of the Day!
Lol lol Originally Posted by Mateo
CH3NO2
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06-14-2013, 11:49 AM #127Senior Member
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bahahaha thats bad. But genious at the same time lol Originally Posted by Mateo
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06-18-2013, 06:39 PM #128Senior Member
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Bill Clinton and Al Gore are sitting in a diner. The waitress says, "Ready to order?" Clinton says, "Yeah. I'd like a quickie." The waitress says, "A quickie? Mr. President, I don't think that's a real good idea. I'll come back when you're ready to order from the menu." Gore leans and says, "It's pronounced "quiche."
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06-24-2013, 09:41 AM #129Senior Member
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A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of live frogs. The sign says:
'SEX FROGS'
Only $20 each!
Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching he r. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1.Take a shower.
2.Splash on some nice perfume.
3.Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4.Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:
'LISTEN TO ME!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!!'
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06-25-2013, 07:18 AM #130Senior Member
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Miss Walker asked her class to make a sentence using the word 'Urinate'.
Suzi raised her hand and said "When I drink a lot of water I have to Urinate."
The teacher said, Very good Suzi.
Johnny raised his hand and the teacher sighed deeply not knowing what was going to come out to of his mouth since he was a trouble maker
Ok Johnny what is your sentence?
Johnny said, "Miss Walker... urinate... but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten.
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