Joke of the Day!

[ChumpChange]

The ol' South Heimlich Maneuver Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat,

they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress,

yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

[Wendi]

Good one

[ChumpChange]

Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy he started working at a company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. Hes so rich he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for Christmas."

The second guy said, "Damn, that's terrific! My son is also the pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner where he owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a Christmas gift!"

The third man said. "Well that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000 square foot mansion!"

The 3 guys congratulate each other just as the 4th guy returned from the restroom and asked what are all the congratulations for?

One of the three guys said, "Were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons..."

"What about your son?" they asked the 4th guy.

The fourth man replied, " my son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said, " that's a shame...what a disappointment. "

The fourth man replied. " nah, I'm not ashamed hes my son and i love him..and he hasn't done too badly either. Just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."

[ChumpChange]

So on the main screen it says Hotboat has the last post but when I come in here, it says my post is the last one.....

.....okay so now his/her post is there. ;D

[Stainless]

Good one Mateo! There's a guy where I work that tells jokes like you. I've never heard him tell the same joke twice.

[ChumpChange]

Jimmy and Tommy were in school and their class was having a spelling bee.
Jimmy and Tommy were the only ones standing
The teacher said to Tommy, "spell the word correctly and and use it in a sentence. The word is dictate"
Tommy takes his turn, "Dictate...D-I-C-K-T-E-T-E.."
"No Tommy...I'm sorry that's wrong...sit down."
"Jimmy if you can spell the word correctly and use it in a sentence, you win this weeks bee."
"Dictate...D-I-C-T-A-T-E."
"Very good Jimmy now use it in a sentence"
"Hey Susan, How'd my Dic-tate last night?"

[ChumpChange]

I'll double it up for the day:

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache.

[Stainless]

I'll double it up for the day:

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache.

Lmao!!

[HB Vic]

A drunkphoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolenthe dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!"he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phonerang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Nevermind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat bymistake."

[Stainless]

A drunkphoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolenthe dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!"he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phonerang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Nevermind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat bymistake."

Sounds like me!:p