Joke of the Day!

[Stainless]

one day little billy's teacher said we are going to learn about sex education.
All you little girls go home and talk to you moms.
All the little boys talk to your fathers.
That night little Billy finds his dad shaving after getting out of the shower.
His dad opens his towel and pulls out his penis and says see this Billy this is a penis in fact it is a perfect penis.
The next day in class the teacher finally calls on Billy to see what he learned.
Billy stands up unzips and pulls out his penis and says see this this is a penis, in fact if it was two inches shorter it would be a perfect penis.

LMAO!:p

[ChumpChange]

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico, arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no wood pecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.

The Mexican woodpecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada

that was absolutely 'impeckable', a term frequently used by woodpeckers.

The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker quickly pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused.

How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck a Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck a Canadian tree,


but neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much pecker pondering, they came to the following conclusion:

Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

[Stainless]

Funny, funny Mateo!

[rschap1]

Don't tell the wife

[ChumpChange]

Birds and Bees

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

[HB Vic]

Lol ...

[Stainless]

:d:d:d

[rschap1]

Too bad that is so true...

Even Don Rickles said, give 'em jewelry and they just keep layin' there.

[Menace Marine]

SIPPING VODKA









A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.



The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."



So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.



Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:



1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say,"Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

One of my favorites.

[Stainless]

Great jokes people!