Joke of the Day!

**SBS933** · 12-13-2013, 09:57 PM

Originally Posted by Mateo

Teacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?" "Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another." "And what would they be doing then?" "Building boats!"

Nice I'm taking that one to work on Mon.

**Paul65K** · 12-16-2013, 06:57 PM

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared straight ahead.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the woman "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't...
He just walked in the door."

**ChumpChange** · 12-19-2013, 06:46 AM

A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again. This is repeated a dozen times before the bartender asks him what he is doing. He replies, "In my pocket I have a picture of my wife. When she gets good looking, I quit drinking..."

**Eli** · 12-19-2013, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by Mateo

A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again. This is repeated a dozen times before the bartender asks him what he is doing. He replies, "In my pocket I have a picture of my wife. When she gets good looking, I quit drinking..."

Lmao! Good one!

Sent from my Bat Cave

**riverrunner1984** · 12-19-2013, 03:31 PM

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter". The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

**Stainless** · 12-19-2013, 03:45 PM

**SBS933** · 12-23-2013, 09:35 AM

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast ?" John said "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church with my wife" The next day Mary ran into one of Johns drinking buddies, the man chuckled and said John won the top toast of the of the night yesterday with a toast about you. She said "aye he told me and I was a bit suprised, you know he's only been there twice in the last 4 years." Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep.

**ChumpChange** · 12-23-2013, 09:48 AM

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"