My letter to Amex:


Dear AMEX thank you for giving me such a large line of credit.
And thank you for giving me multiple cards and multiple accounts.
Your generosity is insuperable.

We had a blast over the past 29 days. I don't really remember what we did, but from the dresser drawer full of credit card receipts, we must have had fun.

I received my statement in the mail today.

After the paramedics revived me, twice, I fell again but this time I hit my head on a potted plant I bought with my Amex Plum card. I bled all over my statement and can no longer read the amount that is due.

Rather than bother you for a new statement, I am remitting the blood covered statement I have along with a $100 bill and a small piece of my scalp as a memento of our relationship. I've also enclosed what is now a small pile of Amex card confetti. Please use it wisely. I figure we've caused each other enough agony. I am terminating our relationship effective immediately.

Its been fun, but next time I will leave home without it.

Thank you,
HB