Joke of the Day!

[doubleeagle]

A old lady stops by a ice cream shop and orders a scoop of Chocolate
The guy behind the counter tells her I,m sorry we are out of Chocolate
He asks her what she would like instead
She say's I'll have a scoop of chocolate
He again explains to her that they are out of Chocolate
He asks again what she would like instead
She replies I'll have a scoop of Chocolate
Pissed off now the guy replies Lady look up there at all the flavor,s we have
You see the Straw in Straw Berry she say yes I do
He then says do you see the each in Peach she says yes I do
He then says lady look real close can you see the FUCK IN CHOCOLATE
She replies young man there is no Fuck in Chocolate
He says lady that's what I've been trying to explain to you for the last 10 mins.

[Stainless]

A old lady stops by a ice cream shop and orders a scoop of Chocolate
The guy behind the counter tells her I,m sorry we are out of Chocolate
He asks her what she would like instead
She say's I'll have a scoop of chocolate
He again explains to her that they are out of Chocolate
He asks again what she would like instead
She replies I'll have a scoop of Chocolate
Pissed off now the guy replies Lady look up there at all the flavor,s we have
You see the Straw in Straw Berry she say yes I do
He then says do you see the each in Peach she says yes I do
He then says lady look real close can you see the FUCK IN CHOCOLATE
She replies young man there is no Fuck in Chocolate
He says lady that's what I've been trying to explain to you for the last 10 mins.

Must have been a blond old lady?

[rschap1]

The customer is always right...

[The Doctor]

An elderly man hollered out to his wife:

"Honey, come see this masterpiece I just created - realistically depicting the past five years of our nation's presidency."

His wife answers back:

"Just flush the stupid toilet and come have your breakfast."

[WESTERNAERO]

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was
washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the
monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough,
there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,
'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick &
bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would
close the curtains for privacy.. The husband finally agreed and went into
his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no
heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they
cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

[riverrunner1984]

An elderly man hollered out to his wife:

"Honey, come see this masterpiece I just created - realistically depicting the past five years of our nation's presidency."

His wife answers back:

"Just flush the stupid toilet and come have your breakfast."

LMAO!!! Classic

[ChumpChange]

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes, the man said. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us, the American said, "only we see stars, too."

[riverrunner1984]

Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her." They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave my wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear a sweater."

[ChumpChange]

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Little Johnny replies, "A teacher."

[ChumpChange]

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: "JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE."