Joke of the Day!

**riverrunner1984** · 09-05-2013, 10:42 AM

What deep thinkers men are...
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer.

**ChumpChange** · 09-05-2013, 07:42 PM

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.

**Stainless** · 09-05-2013, 07:56 PM

You joke tellers are tearing it up!

**ChumpChange** · 09-08-2013, 04:03 PM

There was a nun who worked as a nurse at a local hospital.

She was driving the hospital van when it ran out of gas about a mile from a gas station, so she decided to walk to the gas station to get some gas, but the station didn't have a gas can for her to transport the gas back to the van.

She walked back to the van, trying to figure out what to do when she realized that she had some bed pans in the van that she could use. So, she got a bed pan and walked back to the gas station, filled it up and walked back to the van.

As she was pouring the gas into the tank, two men in a truck drove by. One said to the other, "Man, if that works, I'm turning Catholic!"

**SBS933** · 09-09-2013, 01:18 PM

A blonde is in the mountains camping when she walks down to the river, she notices another blonde across the river from her. The other blonde yells over to her " HEY, how do I get to the other side ? The blonde looks up river then down river and yells back "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE

A blonde is walking down the street when she notices another blonde in a dirt field, sitting in a rowboat rowing. She yells over " What the hell are you doing ? the other blonde responds I'm rowing my boat in the lake. The blonde responds with, You dumb ass chick you are the reason us blondes have a bad name, and if I could swim I would go over there and kick your ass.

**ChumpChange** · 09-11-2013, 01:16 PM

There's a pirate ship out at sea and the captain asks his pirate in the crow's nest to keep on the lookout. The guy in the crow's nest says "I see a boat a few miles off, but they're gaining fast."

The captain says "Quick someone get me my red shirt. That way if I get hurt, the crew won't see and we won't lose morale."

The lookout says "They're getting closer and now there are five ships!"

The captain says "Quick, someone get me my brown pants!

**Havasu Party Bus** · 09-12-2013, 10:52 PM

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...