Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A married couple is lying in bed and the wife says, "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world tonight."
The husband immediately has a huge smile on his face and replies, " great, let me get out of this bed so I can help you pack!"

Husband looking to spice things up a little says to his wife, "honey, lets try swapping positions tonight?"
The wife says, "that's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart all night!"