Joke of the Day!

[ChumpChange]

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night, when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we
take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

[Wendi]

The teacher asks the kids in class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

And you, Susie?

“I wanna be Johnny's bitch.”

[Stainless]

Lmfao

[Menace Marine]

The teacher asks the kids in class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

And you, Susie?

“I wanna be Johnny's bitch.”

That's hilarious.

[rschap1]

smart girl, that Susie

[The Doctor]

"Ammo Shortage"

An elderly gentleman was lucky enough to catch the sporting goods store just as the shipment came in with four boxes of his favorite ammunition. He put it on the seat of his car and drove home. On the way he stopped for gasoline and a beautiful lady at the next pump saw the ammunition on his seat. Desperately needing ammo herself, she inquired, "Would you consider trading sex for ammunition?" The elderly man thought about if for a second and inquired back "What caliber you got?"

[ChumpChange]

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word "pee" in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear."

[ChumpChange]

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, her mom told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

[rschap1]

That is one less worry...I guess

[ChumpChange]

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"