So some co-workers go out to the bar after work on Friday. One of the guys proceeds to get entirely too trashed and ends up throwing up on himself. He starts saying, "Oh man, oh man, I am so dead, oh man, oh man, she's gonna kill me." His buddy walks over and tries consoling him saying, "Hey you're an idiot, but this kinda thing happens, its not the end of the world." The drunk guy responds, "Dude, you don't understand, this happens all the time, I drink too much and then I embarrass myself. My wife said that if it ever happened one more time, she was gonna leave me." The buddy responds, "Well crap, I guess I gotta help you out. I got it! You are going to go home, and when your wife confronts you, you explain that you were waiting in line for the bathroom, and some drunk idiot in an emergency tried busting through the line and didn't make it in time, and ended up throwing up on you. In fact, he felt so bad about it, he gave you 20 bucks to get your shirt dry cleaned." The buddy then takes out a twenty and puts it in his shirt pocket. The drunk guy replies, "Ok, OK, I can do this."

He drives him home, drops him off, and as the drunk guy is fumbling for the keys, the wife opens the door, takes one look, and starts shaking her head saying, "I warned you, you drunk, one more time and I am outta here." The drunk responds, "Babe, its not what you think, I was in line for the bathroom and some drunk guy was trying to push through and get in, he didn't make it in time and puked all over me. He even felt bad about it and gave me 20 bucks to dry clean the shirt." The wife reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out two 20's. She yells at him, "There are two 20's in here." The drunk responds, "Oh yeah, he also shit in my pants."

Hope that wasn't too long winded, its one of my favorites.