Joke of the Day!

[riverrunner1984]

A man and a blonde meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The blonde angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and the blonde meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

LMFAO at my desk!!!

[SBS933]

A man is out hunting with his dog, he then points towards some bushes and tells the dog, go see how many ducks are in there. The dog goes and returns barking 3 times, the hunter spooks the birds and sure as hell 3 of em, he shoots and bags em. He does this twice more, when a man walks up and says I've been watching you and i'd like to buy your dog. The man refuses until he is offered $2000.00 then tells the man, you just bought a dog. The man takes the dog out and says go over there and see how many ducks are there. The dog does and when he returns, he sticks his nose up the guys ass. This happens again, so he returns to the seller and tells him, I want my money back this dog ain't worth shit. The seller asks, why he's a great hunting dog. The man tells him, instead of barking the number of ducks, he comes back and sticks his nose in my ass. The seller laughs and tells the man, He's trying to tell you theres a shitload of ducks in there.

[ChumpChange]

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon.

"Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.

[Wendi]

Hello, is this the Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank y...ou very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend on Billy’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy and left.
The phone rings at Billy's house: "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, Buddy"

[Havasu Party Bus]

Hello, is this the Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank y...ou very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend on Billy’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy and left.
The phone rings at Billy's house: "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, Buddy"

You forgot the photo Wendi here you go.

[hbchgirl]

Hello, is this the Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank y...ou very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend on Billy’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy and left.
The phone rings at Billy's house: "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, Buddy"

Good one!

[Stainless]

You guys are putting up good ones!!!

[The Doctor]

A seasoned couple finally got the straw that broke the camel's back. It seems the wife sent the husband out to get "those pills" that will help him get an erection and he came home with diet pills for her. That was all it took . . .

[ChumpChange]

This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."

[ChumpChange]

A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!!!"

His wife asks "Wow! That's incredible! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He answers "I don't care. Just go!"