Dating Questions

[MUDDY WATER]

First Name:____________________________Muddy____ Last Name:_____Water________________________



Address:_______________See map___________________ Phone Number:_______________you know it.__________



Age:___old enough__

(please attach copy of birth certificate to application)



Weight:__270Height:_:__6'2"___ ____

(not what you put on your driver’s license)






1). How many times a week do you bathe/shower?



___ None (afraid of being sucked down the drain)



___ 1-3 (when flies mistake me for a pile of shit)



__x_ 4-6 (high hopes of getting intimate with someone)



___ 7 or more (have every brand of shower gel on the market and not enough days in a week to try them all)






2). Do you leave brown stripes in your underwear?



___ Yes, I believe in conserving toilet paper.



x___ No, I don’t wear underwear.






3). How often do you wash your bedding?



___ Daily (must be a nympho)



___ Once a week (at the carwash)



___ Yearly (when I get my tax refund)



__x_ Never (haven’t brought a date home in years)






4). What are your shopping habits?



___ I prefer shopping at garage sales. (leaves more money to buy my booze with)



_X I prefer shopping at discount stores. (can buy ten times more junk food for less)



___ I prefer shopping at the mall. (great place to check out cute butts)



___ I prefer to shop at all the finer stores (until all the credit cards are maxed out)



___ I don’t pay for anything, I just take it.






5). You are sitting in your recliner watching television and sneeze a juicy one, what do you do?



___ Wipe my nose on my sleeve then give someone a great big hug.



___ Wipe my nose with the remote.



_X__ Yell for someone to bring me a tissue, then hide/stuff it down the chair when I’m done with it.







6). You are cuddling with your sweetheart in bed and feel gas pressure building, what do you do?




___ Excuse myself and make a mad dash to the bathroom.




X___ Let it blow and brag about how I made the windows shake.




___ Blast the stink bomb then toss the covers over both our heads so we can enjoy the juicy aroma.




___ Let it leak out silently and blame it on the dog.




7). The toilet breaks and needs repaired, what do you do?



___ Get the duct tape out and fix it myself.



__X_ Wait and see if it will miraculously fix itself.



___ Hire someone to fix it.



___ Choose to do nothing and use the gas station’s restroom for the rest of the year.





8.) How do you feel about washing dishes?



___ Love playing in bubbles and beg for people to dirty more dishes.



___ Only when company is coming.



___ Out of the question, I might break a nail.



_X__ I’m allergic to dish soap.



___ I consider dirty dishes to be a work of art and stack them all over the house/apt. as decorations.





9). How do you feel about mowing the lawn and misc. yard work?



___ Can’t wait to get the rider out so I can chase the neighbor’s cat around the yard.



___ Hire a lawn care company.



___ Just set it on fire once a year.



_X__ Do nothing at all, I enjoy living in a jungle.





10). Your dog accidentally takes a dump inside, what do you do?



___ Wait a couple days, wrap it up and toss it into the lost & found box at work.



___ Call my mom and have her come clean it up.



_X__ Ignore it and hope it will go away.



___ Call 911 and tell them I have an emergency.





11). Which best describes your cooking?



_X__ I must be an excellent cook because everyone I know eats at my house.



___ I burn everything and the dog refuses to eat it.



___ I have all the delivery places on speed dial.



___ I don’t cook, I have my own personal chef.





12). You are driving down the highway and notice your ex’s car pulled over with a flat tire,

what do you do?



___ Pull over and grab my old cd player out of the car while they are changing the flat.



_X__ Drive by and act like I don’t see them.



___ Blow the horn and yell out the window “It sucks to be you”.









I hereby attest and verify that the information I have provided in this application is absolutely false and misrepresented. I understand that any

honest or true answers could lead to me spending the rest of my life alone.





Signature:______Muddy Watter________________________ Date:__________11-21-13_______________