During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my activity level.

I described a typical day like this:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 7 miles, through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake.
I climbed several rocky hills."

I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. Then, at the end of it all, I drank about eight beers.

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoorsman!"

"No," I replied, "just a shitty golfer."