Joke of the Day!

Air Force pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”'

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

The Air Force pilot explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any underwear….”

“The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing
underwear!”

The Air Force pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”

I tell her, " That is a beautiful dress...
it will look great shoved under the back seat of my truck"

believe it or not, back in the day...
it worked a couple times.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,


"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !"

Good one Doc!:D

one day little billy's teacher said we are going to learn about sex education.
All you little girls go home and talk to you moms.
All the little boys talk to your fathers.
That night little Billy finds his dad shaving after getting out of the shower.
His dad opens his towel and pulls out his penis and says see this Billy this is a penis in fact it is a perfect penis.
The next day in class the teacher finally calls on Billy to see what he learned.
Billy stands up unzips and pulls out his penis and says see this this is a penis, in fact if it was two inches shorter it would be a perfect penis.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by verman

one day little billy's teacher said we are going to learn about sex education.
All you little girls go home and talk to you moms.
All the little boys talk to your fathers.
That night little Billy finds his dad shaving after getting out of the shower.
His dad opens his towel and pulls out his penis and says see this Billy this is a penis in fact it is a perfect penis.
The next day in class the teacher finally calls on Billy to see what he learned.
Billy stands up unzips and pulls out his penis and says see this this is a penis, in fact if it was two inches shorter it would be a perfect penis.

---

LMAO!:p

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico, arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no wood pecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.

The Mexican woodpecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada

that was absolutely 'impeckable', a term frequently used by woodpeckers.

The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker quickly pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused.

How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck a Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck a Canadian tree,


but neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much pecker pondering, they came to the following conclusion:

Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

Funny, funny Mateo!:D

Don't tell the wife

Birds and Bees

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”