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Hmmmm. I find dating very hard cause of my job and hours and then some of the nicest good looking girls don't understand my job and hours.
I guess not enough time for them. I call that high maintenance :).
No about the give myself a blow job. Hmmm I think Eli should pass on him. Lol. :)
I'm glad everyone agrees with me...I just thought it was tacky for lack of a better word ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by lurker
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
Jus something's a guy needs a woman for :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Eli
Right? I couldn't agree moreQuote:
Originally Posted by lurker
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
I think we need to start with this Eli.
Warning: If you complete this form it could be used against you in future arguments, at poker games, if you decide to run for office, and if worse comes to worse you’ll find it posted on the world wide web for all your friends, family, and co-workers to see.
First Name:________________________________ Last Name:_____________________________
Address:__________________________________ Phone Number:_________________________
Age:_____
(please attach copy of birth certificate to application)
Weight:_____ Height:_____
(not what you put on your driver’s license)
1). How many times a week do you bathe/shower?
___ None (afraid of being sucked down the drain)
___ 1-3 (when flies mistake me for a pile of shit)
___ 4-6 (high hopes of getting intimate with someone)
___ 7 or more (have every brand of shower gel on the market and not enough days in a week to try them all)
2). Do you leave brown stripes in your underwear?
___ Yes, I believe in conserving toilet paper.
___ No, I don’t wear underwear.
3). How often do you wash your bedding?
___ Daily (must be a nympho)
___ Once a week (at the carwash)
___ Yearly (when I get my tax refund)
___ Never (haven’t brought a date home in years)
4). What are your shopping habits?
___ I prefer shopping at garage sales. (leaves more money to buy my booze with)
___ I prefer shopping at discount stores. (can buy ten times more junk food for less)
___ I prefer shopping at the mall. (great place to check out cute butts)
___ I prefer to shop at all the finer stores (until all the credit cards are maxed out)
___ I don’t pay for anything, I just take it.
5). You are sitting in your recliner watching television and sneeze a juicy one, what do you do?
___ Wipe my nose on my sleeve then give someone a great big hug.
___ Wipe my nose with the remote.
___ Yell for someone to bring me a tissue, then hide/stuff it down the chair when I’m done with it.
6). You are cuddling with your sweetheart in bed and feel gas pressure building, what do you do?
___ Excuse myself and make a mad dash to the bathroom.
___ Let it blow and brag about how I made the windows shake.
___ Blast the stink bomb then toss the covers over both our heads so we can enjoy the juicy aroma.
___ Let it leak out silently and blame it on the dog.
7). The toilet breaks and needs repaired, what do you do?
___ Get the duct tape out and fix it myself.
___ Wait and see if it will miraculously fix itself.
___ Hire someone to fix it.
___ Choose to do nothing and use the gas station’s restroom for the rest of the year.
8.) How do you feel about washing dishes?
___ Love playing in bubbles and beg for people to dirty more dishes.
___ Only when company is coming.
___ Out of the question, I might break a nail.
___ I’m allergic to dish soap.
___ I consider dirty dishes to be a work of art and stack them all over the house/apt. as decorations.
9). How do you feel about mowing the lawn and misc. yard work?
___ Can’t wait to get the rider out so I can chase the neighbor’s cat around the yard.
___ Hire a lawn care company.
___ Just set it on fire once a year.
___ Do nothing at all, I enjoy living in a jungle.
10). Your dog accidentally takes a dump inside, what do you do?
___ Wait a couple days, wrap it up and toss it into the lost & found box at work.
___ Call my mom and have her come clean it up.
___ Ignore it and hope it will go away.
___ Call 911 and tell them I have an emergency.
11). Which best describes your cooking?
___ I must be an excellent cook because everyone I know eats at my house.
___ I burn everything and the dog refuses to eat it.
___ I have all the delivery places on speed dial.
___ I don’t cook, I have my own personal chef.
12). You are driving down the highway and notice your ex’s car pulled over with a flat tire,
what do you do?
___ Pull over and grab my old cd player out of the car while they are changing the flat.
___ Drive by and act like I don’t see them.
___ Blow the horn and yell out the window “It sucks to be you”.
I hereby attest and verify that the information I have provided in this application is absolutely false and misrepresented. I understand that any
honest or true answers could lead to me spending the rest of my life alone.
Signature:______________________________ Date:_________________________
I laughed so hard I cried. I've got make up running down my face! :LMAOsmiley::LMAOsmiley::LMAOsmiley::LMAOsmiley::l mao:lmao:lmaoQuote:
Originally Posted by 314joey
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eli
#5 is funnier than cit, a snot/booger ?
2 & 6 made me nearly fall out of my chair ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by 314joey
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
Definitely funny chit, thought you would get a kick out of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eli
Just for the record (we need a court reporter here) I'm not high maintenance if you keep in mind there are 6 of us :DQuote:
Originally Posted by lurker
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
First Name:____________________________Muddy____ Last Name:_____Water________________________
Address:_______________See map___________________ Phone Number:_______________you know it.__________
Age:___old enough__
(please attach copy of birth certificate to application)
Weight:__270Height:_:__6'2"___ ____
(not what you put on your driver’s license)
1). How many times a week do you bathe/shower?
___ None (afraid of being sucked down the drain)
___ 1-3 (when flies mistake me for a pile of shit)
__x_ 4-6 (high hopes of getting intimate with someone)
___ 7 or more (have every brand of shower gel on the market and not enough days in a week to try them all)
2). Do you leave brown stripes in your underwear?
___ Yes, I believe in conserving toilet paper.
x___ No, I don’t wear underwear.
3). How often do you wash your bedding?
___ Daily (must be a nympho)
___ Once a week (at the carwash)
___ Yearly (when I get my tax refund)
__x_ Never (haven’t brought a date home in years)
4). What are your shopping habits?
___ I prefer shopping at garage sales. (leaves more money to buy my booze with)
_X I prefer shopping at discount stores. (can buy ten times more junk food for less)
___ I prefer shopping at the mall. (great place to check out cute butts)
___ I prefer to shop at all the finer stores (until all the credit cards are maxed out)
___ I don’t pay for anything, I just take it.
5). You are sitting in your recliner watching television and sneeze a juicy one, what do you do?
___ Wipe my nose on my sleeve then give someone a great big hug.
___ Wipe my nose with the remote.
_X__ Yell for someone to bring me a tissue, then hide/stuff it down the chair when I’m done with it.
6). You are cuddling with your sweetheart in bed and feel gas pressure building, what do you do?
___ Excuse myself and make a mad dash to the bathroom.
X___ Let it blow and brag about how I made the windows shake.
___ Blast the stink bomb then toss the covers over both our heads so we can enjoy the juicy aroma.
___ Let it leak out silently and blame it on the dog.
7). The toilet breaks and needs repaired, what do you do?
___ Get the duct tape out and fix it myself.
__X_ Wait and see if it will miraculously fix itself.
___ Hire someone to fix it.
___ Choose to do nothing and use the gas station’s restroom for the rest of the year.
8.) How do you feel about washing dishes?
___ Love playing in bubbles and beg for people to dirty more dishes.
___ Only when company is coming.
___ Out of the question, I might break a nail.
_X__ I’m allergic to dish soap.
___ I consider dirty dishes to be a work of art and stack them all over the house/apt. as decorations.
9). How do you feel about mowing the lawn and misc. yard work?
___ Can’t wait to get the rider out so I can chase the neighbor’s cat around the yard.
___ Hire a lawn care company.
___ Just set it on fire once a year.
_X__ Do nothing at all, I enjoy living in a jungle.
10). Your dog accidentally takes a dump inside, what do you do?
___ Wait a couple days, wrap it up and toss it into the lost & found box at work.
___ Call my mom and have her come clean it up.
_X__ Ignore it and hope it will go away.
___ Call 911 and tell them I have an emergency.
11). Which best describes your cooking?
_X__ I must be an excellent cook because everyone I know eats at my house.
___ I burn everything and the dog refuses to eat it.
___ I have all the delivery places on speed dial.
___ I don’t cook, I have my own personal chef.
12). You are driving down the highway and notice your ex’s car pulled over with a flat tire,
what do you do?
___ Pull over and grab my old cd player out of the car while they are changing the flat.
_X__ Drive by and act like I don’t see them.
___ Blow the horn and yell out the window “It sucks to be you”.
I hereby attest and verify that the information I have provided in this application is absolutely false and misrepresented. I understand that any
honest or true answers could lead to me spending the rest of my life alone.
Signature:______Muddy Watter________________________ Date:__________11-21-13_______________
You missed a few answers...height, weight, showers etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by MUDDY WATER
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
Fixed it
At least you still have high hopes of bringing someone home ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by MUDDY WATER
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
I'll be reviewing any of these this evening and give you my approval/disapproval tomorrow, I guess I'm a waterr freak because I shower a minimum of once a day, sometimes twice, cleanliness is next to godliness.
I'm a clean freak too. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by 314joey
Should I forward all the filled out forms to you for approval? :D
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
First maybe legal Eli should, then I'll take a look...........lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Eli
She sucks at this stuff ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by 314joey
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
The one thing she doesn't suck at is googling people's phone number to find out who they really are! My ex taught me 1 thing…the minute someone gives you ANY personal information…GOOGLE THAT BITCH!Quote:
Originally Posted by 314joey
Google = BFFQuote:
Originally Posted by Eli