Good one BN!:D
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Good one BN!:D
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his banker to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The banker was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
Figured a lawyer and/or politician would have a part in this too...
:)
It originally said lawyer but I switched it to banker. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by rschap1
A man was terminally ill, so he was breaking all the news to the people he knew.
He was telling everyone goodbye and that he was dying from AIDS.
His son said "Dad why are you telling everyone your dying Aids when you have cancer?"
Because son I don't want anyone fvkcing your mother after I'm gone!
Lol lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Mateo
bahahaha thats bad. But genious at the same time lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Mateo
Bill Clinton and Al Gore are sitting in a diner. The waitress says, "Ready to order?" Clinton says, "Yeah. I'd like a quickie." The waitress says, "A quickie? Mr. President, I don't think that's a real good idea. I'll come back when you're ready to order from the menu." Gore leans and says, "It's pronounced "quiche."
A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of live frogs. The sign says:
'SEX FROGS'
Only $20 each!
Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching he r. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1.Take a shower.
2.Splash on some nice perfume.
3.Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4.Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:
'LISTEN TO ME!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!!'
Miss Walker asked her class to make a sentence using the word 'Urinate'.
Suzi raised her hand and said "When I drink a lot of water I have to Urinate."
The teacher said, Very good Suzi.
Johnny raised his hand and the teacher sighed deeply not knowing what was going to come out to of his mouth since he was a trouble maker
Ok Johnny what is your sentence?
Johnny said, "Miss Walker... urinate... but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten.
Lol lol!!
A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager. As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet. A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this big!"
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. Just then, her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"
A guy is walking along a Florida beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK, then, I want to die after the Democrats balance the budget and eliminate the debt.
"You crafty weasel," said the genie.
Good ones Mateo, Doc! :D
Yep
VERY good
AGAIN !!!!
What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bies
Jewish man goes to see his rabbi.
"Rabbi, I have a terrible problem!" the man says. "My son converted to Christianity. What should I do?"
The rabbi ponders this. "Come back tomorrow," he tells the man. "I'll consult with God and ask for his guidance."
The man returns the next day. "Well?"
"God can't help you," the rabbi says. "He says he has the same problem that you have."
A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
Lol.....
Attachment 13141
A balding, white haired man from Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful, much younger, gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something a little more special.’
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There’s no money in that account.’
‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’