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You Don't Need to Be a Weatherman... It was two o"clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and promptly slammed the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned.
Just sayn!
I'm not sure I get this jokeQuote:
Originally Posted by Mateo
Sent from my Bat Cave!!!
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?'
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have a vagina?'
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'
The next morning they hear a knock and both
run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered
voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.' She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;
'Do you have a vagina?'
'Yes, actually I do,' she says.
The man replies..
'Good! Would you mind telling your husband
to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'
:D
ch3no2
Two men are walking down the street when they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says "Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?" "So it is." replies George. "Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked. "Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough."
An elderly couple were sitting outdoors at a cafe when they noticed an old man who seemed to be having trouble crossing the street with an ungainly shuffle. The man said to his wife "He surely has bad arthritis to walk like that." His wife replied "No, that's definitely old time rheumatism." They couldn't agree so the man decided to ask the old man. He walked over to him and said "Excuse me, sir, but my wife and I saw you having difficulty crossing the street and I told her that you have arthritis but she insisted that you have rheumatism. Which one of us was wrong?" The old man said "The three of us were wrong." "Three of us were wrong? How so?" asked the man to which the old man replied "You were wrong when you said I had arthritis and your wife was wrong when she said I had rheumatism and I was wrong when I thought I had to pass gas."
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