Joke of the Day!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by riverrunner1984

A blond woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.

"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said, "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're
the stickers off the bananas!"

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I literally LOL'd!!! :LMAOsmiley::LMAOsmiley::LMAOsmiley:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by riverrunner1984

• Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,

points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

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LMAO! :LMAOsmiley::LMAOsmiley::LMAOsmiley:

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop. After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didnt stop, he just slowed down a little. The gentleman said "Stop or slow down, whats the difference?" The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, "Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mateo

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop. After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didnt stop, he just slowed down a little. The gentleman said "Stop or slow down, whats the difference?" The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, "Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?"

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HELL YEAH :LMAOsmiley:

The Mechanic and the Surgeon

A motorcycle mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson when he spotted a well-known surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come and take alook at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The sugeon walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked "So Doc, look at this engine. I open it's heart, take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled, and said to the mechanic...

"Try it with the engine running."

Advice for older guys


I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in....
I asked the trainer standing next to me,
"What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"

The trainer looked me over and said;

"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 314joey

Advice for older guys


I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in....
I asked the trainer standing next to me,
"What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"

The trainer looked me over and said;

"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

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Good one Joey! :LMAOsmiley:

A boss asked one of his employees, "Do you believe in life after death?"

"Yes, sir," replied the new employee.

"I thought you would," said the boss. "Yesterday after you left to go to your brother's funeral, he stopped by to see you."

doh ! ! !

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, Id like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, Im 71 years old. If I dont ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, Ill make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Fred replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.