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A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes- caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?
"Yes," he says "I was in Afghanistan for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my
testicles.
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K.. You've got enough points
for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to
4: 00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M .
every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to
4:00 PM. , why don't you want me to here until 10:00 A.M .?"
"This is a Government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls..
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Joke of the Day!
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Two blonds were out walking one day when they came across a set of tracks. The first one said "Those are elk tracks" while the second quickly responded "No. Those are deer tracks." They went back and forth for fifteen minutes both insisting they were right until the train hit them.
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Joke of the Day!
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Took a few days off of work last week.
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said. "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?!? They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You never listen to me when you're cooking," he added. "Never! Turn them! Hurry Up! Are you CRAZY?!? Have you lost your MIND?!? Don't forget to salt them! You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at thim, "What's wrong with you? You don't think I know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming aorund in Spain...
While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Si Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A true delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor, there is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. if you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
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Joke of the Day!
LMAO Mateo, that was good!
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Hahah good one...definatly so true
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Joke of the Day!
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A young lady came home from a date, sad and in tears. She told her mother, “Robert proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
”Because he also told me he’s an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there’s a Hell!”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
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Joke of the Day!
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Re: Joke of the Day!
Yup good
Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 2
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Joke of the Day!
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Little Billy couldn't help noticing the fancy, expensive wristwatch that his friend, Danny, was wearing to school.
"Wow! That's a cool watch! It looks like it can do everything!" 10-year old Billy said.
"Yea, it's great! It tells time, it's a calendar, a calculator, a compass, it glows in the dark, it beeps and bloops and I pretend it's a walkie-talkie / cell phone!" beams Danny.
"Cool! Where can I get one, so we can prentend to talk to each other?"
"It's easy! All you have to do is run into your Mom and Dad's room when they're kissing and fooling around! They'll be so upset and will give you anything you want, just as long as you leave when they tell you to go away!" Danny tells him.
Excited about the prospect of getting a neat wristwatch so easily, Billy waits until his mother and new step-father go upstairs for some private time. He gives them about 5 minutes to let them get going, when all of a sudden he barges in, and runs up to their bed.
Sure enough they're naked and barely covered by a sheet, which his mother scrambles to cover herself with, while his confused step-father looks at his step-son, slightly annoyed.
"Hey, kid, what're you doing here?" his step-dad grumbles.
"I want a watch!" Billy happily proclaims.
To which the step-father shrugs his shoulders and replies, "Okay. Pull up a chair!"
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A amish man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep and says this is the pig I f*ck when your not in the mood.
His wife says thats not even a pig. The man said I was not talking to you.
