You have a good run going with this thread Mateo! ;)
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You have a good run going with this thread Mateo! ;)
As a woman passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.
Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: “what in the world are you doing?”
The daughter replied: “mom, i’m thirty-five years old, unmarried,and
This thing is about as close as i’ll ever get to a husband.
Please, go away and leave me alone.
The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the
Other side of the closed bedroom door.
Upon entering the room, he observed
His daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: “dad i’m
Thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as i’ll ever
Get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed
The groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming
From, of all places, the living room.
She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the tv. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked: “what the hell are you doing?”
The husband replied: “i’m watching football with my son-in-law.
few batteries now and then gotta be cheaper than some free loader might be...
Mom and Dad are getting out cheap and saving a bundle...$$$$
:)
:)
:)
High Urinals
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the mens room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'
'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help........'
Wonder how many times the jockey got back in line???
Confessions of a Former Wal-Mart Greeter
Unfortunately, as I have gotten a little older, I have become a little less sensitive. So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first shift on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store, through the "out" doors, with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. 'Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
Another good one Mateo!:D
:)
:)
:)
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
That isn't a joke. It's a fact lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Mateo