Unforgiven
11-04-2013, 07:55 AM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
9. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
10. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
11. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
12. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
14. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
15. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
16. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
17. There are limits to intelligence, however, stupidity has no limitations.
18. Adventures are what you call stupid human tricks, after-the-fact.
19. If at first you don’t succeed, blame the failure on a subordinate.
20. Trust the government like you’d trust your dentist to not use Novocaine.
Eat well, laugh often, Love much, and if you’re not having a nice day, it’s your fault.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
9. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
10. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
11. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
12. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
14. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
15. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
16. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
17. There are limits to intelligence, however, stupidity has no limitations.
18. Adventures are what you call stupid human tricks, after-the-fact.
19. If at first you don’t succeed, blame the failure on a subordinate.
20. Trust the government like you’d trust your dentist to not use Novocaine.
Eat well, laugh often, Love much, and if you’re not having a nice day, it’s your fault.